It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i would one night stand the shit outta him
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
