Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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