Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
We are all done wearing pants today
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
