Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
