Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
