like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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