So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
