your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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