last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
