even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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