Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
