go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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