I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
