She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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