Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize