you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Randomize