I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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