Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
