my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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