bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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