these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
