so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
