I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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