He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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