Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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