Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Randomize
