I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
