hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
