In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
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