Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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