you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
