I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Randomize
