oh my god i'm in a crawl space
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
