I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
