Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
So much rum. So many feels.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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