my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
