oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
