So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize