wanna go halves on a baby?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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