You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
