I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
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