the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
