we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize