My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize