my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
When are your genitals available?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Drunk is a universal language darling
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