In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
