listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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