We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
