I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Shame is for Republicans.
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