I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
