He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
