Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
