i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
