We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
