i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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