wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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