can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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