I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
