So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
