Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
