don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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