The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Randomize
