Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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