I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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