You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
