More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
