he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
