I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
