So drunk its hurt
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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