oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize