Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
