There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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