and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
