I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
