I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
