so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
