I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
