yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
