Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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