I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
we're making bets on your personal life
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
