Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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