yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
