he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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