There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You ate ashes out of my bong
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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