Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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