i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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