Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
My balls are so social today.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
