dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
