he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
