Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
