This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
We have so much sex to catch up on
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
