WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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