no, he came in my armpit
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
