Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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