My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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