I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
