We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
