i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
