i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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