It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
